Post by hojoos on Nov 15, 2020 13:11:56 GMT 2
Let’s be real for a second. Not many people like dating.
Being vulnerable is hard. Often, the thought of putting yourself out there for the first time is anxiety-provoking — to say the least.
But for people who have anxiety disorders, which is different from the body’s natural response to simply being nervous, dating can be even more difficult and complicated — so much so that people with anxiety may opt out altogether.
The good old fear cycle that plays a part in dating with anxiety
“Intimate relationships magnify our personality, so if you’re already struggling with anxiety, it’s going to show up even more when you’re ready to get close with someone,” says Karen McDowell, PhD, and clinical director of AR Psychological Services.
According to McDowell, anxiety is deeply rooted in our thinking patterns. When our mind processes things in terms of fear, we start automatically seeking out things that confirm these fears.
“So,” she says, “if you fear that you’re unlovable, that your date will not like you, or that you will do or say something awkward, your brain will go into overdrive trying to confirm its suspicions.”
Fortunately, you can change those thinking patterns.
If you have anxiety and want to start dating, here are a few ways to start challenging the negative thought cycles that have held you back in the past.
1. Check your assumptions
The first step to challenging any type of negative thoughts is to address them, identify them, and replace them.
“For people with anxiety, their automatic thoughts, or the thoughts that pop into their minds as they think about dating, tend to be negative and center on not being good enough or that others will reject them once they get to know them,” says Lesia M. Ruglass, PhD, a clinical psychologist.
Challenge the negative thoughts as they arise.
For example, ask yourself, “Do I know for certain that I’ll be rejected?” Or, “Even if the date doesn’t work out, does that mean that I’m a bad person?” The answer to both is of course not.
One of the most important things to do is to try and silence your inner critic while you’re on a date. Remember that people actually prefer imperfection. If you make a mistake, it may even increase your likability.
Being vulnerable is hard. Often, the thought of putting yourself out there for the first time is anxiety-provoking — to say the least.
But for people who have anxiety disorders, which is different from the body’s natural response to simply being nervous, dating can be even more difficult and complicated — so much so that people with anxiety may opt out altogether.
The good old fear cycle that plays a part in dating with anxiety
“Intimate relationships magnify our personality, so if you’re already struggling with anxiety, it’s going to show up even more when you’re ready to get close with someone,” says Karen McDowell, PhD, and clinical director of AR Psychological Services.
According to McDowell, anxiety is deeply rooted in our thinking patterns. When our mind processes things in terms of fear, we start automatically seeking out things that confirm these fears.
“So,” she says, “if you fear that you’re unlovable, that your date will not like you, or that you will do or say something awkward, your brain will go into overdrive trying to confirm its suspicions.”
Fortunately, you can change those thinking patterns.
If you have anxiety and want to start dating, here are a few ways to start challenging the negative thought cycles that have held you back in the past.
1. Check your assumptions
The first step to challenging any type of negative thoughts is to address them, identify them, and replace them.
“For people with anxiety, their automatic thoughts, or the thoughts that pop into their minds as they think about dating, tend to be negative and center on not being good enough or that others will reject them once they get to know them,” says Lesia M. Ruglass, PhD, a clinical psychologist.
Challenge the negative thoughts as they arise.
For example, ask yourself, “Do I know for certain that I’ll be rejected?” Or, “Even if the date doesn’t work out, does that mean that I’m a bad person?” The answer to both is of course not.
One of the most important things to do is to try and silence your inner critic while you’re on a date. Remember that people actually prefer imperfection. If you make a mistake, it may even increase your likability.